just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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