i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
