Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
