Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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