i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
