i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
