He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
