I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
