Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
