I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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