i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
