I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Fuck me I smell like cheese
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
