just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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