dude i'm inner monologue high
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
