then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
