I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
