we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
