I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
