Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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