He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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