The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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