So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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