I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
