I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
