You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They have beer where we have blood.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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