I need help removing her.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
