We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
