I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
