TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
