So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
