You smell like a Billy Joel song
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
