I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
