There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
