Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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