i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
my liver is dry heaving
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
