We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
