btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
