My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
