Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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