I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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