if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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