writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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