Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
