he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
