youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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