btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
