It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
