i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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