If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
