sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
