Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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