what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i've created a new STD.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
