Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
