so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
