am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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