I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
