the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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