she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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