Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
