so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
