just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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