K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
