You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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